A little time ago I volunteered for participating in a survey about emotions and food. How did that happen you might think? Well, someone asked me, and I must say a lot of things that have happened in my life are a coincidence of ‘why not’ and a hard time saying no, and of course loving a lot of things :). As a preliminary part of the survey I had to fill out a survey on how you do or do not manage your emotions. Things like: when I feel sad I try to change my thoughts so I feel less sad. I must say all the concepts seemed quite foreign to me, especially the part where you don’t allow yourself to feel a certain way. Sure, this would sometimes be useful but I happen to feel that if I have a certain feeling or emotion I have to see it through. That said, I often will talk about it with a number of people trying to understand what I’m feeling, why, and of course to complain about it.
Today I want to write something about the interesting relation we have with our emotions and our thoughts, and actually perhaps our bodies. Currently I look out on a street that is still wet from the rain but at the same time the sun is streaming into my windows and it reflects on the water. Perhaps this is both happy and sad weather. In general I think of the sun shining as the world smiling. Perhaps the situation now is the sun smiling after having a good cry. Honestly, currently I feel like having a good cry. There is not something very particular that has upset me. However, it is cold, and I had a long day, and I’m tired. At the same time due to the crazy amount of things happening in the last two weeks it might as well relate to that. Anyways, I have a feeling in my body, but not a very clear thought in my head. I know the feeling though. I know it as being tired. Wanting to cry.
It is crazy how little we know about ourselves, and how much we forget. However, what happens to me sometimes I can only describe as the title of this post. Sometimes, because of a certain event or situation you can have a certain feeling, and from this situation and feeling you come up with a thought, perhaps a theory, and even thought the feeling fleets, it is quite likely that the thought stays and you continue to refer back to it. However, sometimes it happens the other way around. In some particular instances I feel something, and even though the current situation that ‘made’ me feel this way is completely new, I recognise the feeling. I have felt it before. Often it takes quite some time to find out where and when I had that feeling. Sometimes I understand the ‘felt’ reference, but often barely, I don’t know what the situation was, but I still know the feeling.
Thoughts and feelings shape our lives and are often our main responses to events. However, they are not clear cut, and I am far from understanding them. Still the puzzle and wonder inspire and encourage me: there is no one way to experience the world. All different events, thoughts and feelings are woven piece by piece. I try to sew them together with the threads of admiration and grace.