I thought loneliness would beat fear, but they make friends and bring them all here.

With a team we are working on a creative morning with art, questions and conversation: Quo Vadis Café. The newest edition is about fear. It’s called ‘to fear or not to fear’. This morning I found myself thinking: I should post something, I should write something on the Facebook page to remind people that we’re doing this, and that it is going to be great. I was searching my mind for quotes or lyrics that I could use to promote the event. I thought of the lines that are now the title of this blogpost:  it is a line from the ‘fair’ song ‘taking risks. It is a rather sad song, and to some might sound quite depressing. Yet I have held on to this song when I was down, and in a way it helped me accept the things that I was dealing with, or rather helped me accept that life is sometimes hard, and that it is sad, and that that is ok. The refrain:

Everyone gets over this, they move along,t

hey take some risks.

All I want comes easily, 

to everyone surrounding me.


Dripping. Like fear, it has fuzzy edges


I think that the song is about a failed relationship, ‘I could never see it your way, I could never let go’. It is sad when we try to connect, but it doesn’t seem to work out, not one way, not another, you are stuck. Yet in the very depressing title: that suggest that loneliness cannot beat fear but makes it worse, is also a hope: you don’t have to cut yourself off of all other people, all opportunities to experience love. In my experience: even though some relationships seem like continuous heartbreak, it does not mean all relationships are. Actually one of the things that does beat fear is a proven alternative: the experience that taught you fear is not all there is. There is hope.

Yet it is so important to know and sing the sad songs. I saw some kind of documentary about how we do not tolerate anger in our society ánd ways to let all that anger out. Same goes for fear sadness and loss. To know what you feel in all its depth and desperation, that is something very valuable. When you google ‘fear quotes’ most of them are about how fear is to be overcome, an opportunity or false evidence appearing real. Perhaps all of that is very true and very important, but most of all fear, loneliness and their friends are things that are with us. They are with us and it is valuable to acknowledge that. Alone, but yet as important to be honest about it with others, to show each other empathy. The acknowledgement of having no courage creates the opportunity for another to build your faith, by acknowledging the faith they have in you. The friends you make when you are vulnerable, when you are in loneliness and fear may prove the most powerful relationships. It is like how it is easy to understand a compliment when you agree with it, but it is truly precious when you learn something from it: learn that another sees beauty that is so hard to behold yourself. Perhaps loneliness can’t beat fear, but luckily it doesn’t have to.


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