Open(ed) heart

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Things I made growing up

Today one of our pastors preached about growing up. And she started with telling that she is an aunt. My brother first thought she said she was an ant. He was a little sad when she meant something else- not to because he cannot relate to having nephews and nieces (he is a great uncle) but because he enjoys it when people compare themselves to animals. Today I felt a bit like those little piglets who just plunge themselves between layers of their brothers and sisters. Surrounded by complete and utter love. And of course, the love that pushes and pulls. So why do I feel like a little piglet in a pile of piglets? What does it take for a reasonably grown-up woman to feel like that?

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Holding a baby. Embroidered. In progress.

Yesterday and today I celebrated my birthday, (I was actually born the 29th, but weekends make for good party days). That brings me back to the ‘aunt’ thing. Yesterday my two nieces were here. One 3 years, the other 8 months old. Becoming an aunt does something strange to you, or at least it did to me. There is this gigantic space in my heart, or rather, it feels like my heart is enlarged, burst in a way. Yesterday I wrote about it:

“how can a heart, burst, break, heal and be perfectly calm at the same time?”

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Open Heart. 6 times.

Having family over, having loved ones connect, it’s a special kind of vulnerable. It’s a special kind of warm… For as long as I remember, I am happiest on my birthday… So incredibly thankful for what I am given, what I am a part of, what I get to share, what people give to me :). Now, after a long day of trying to be right in time, serve, connect, cross-table conversations, people I love, I am content, like a fed piglet- perhaps eager to grow, but for now, I know that basking in the light of all this love it is enough to just lie. snuggle up. sleep. knowing I am perfectly loved.

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