It’s been quite some time since I wrote a longer non-fiction piece- I have had to write so many things for studies that making actual sentences for fun doesn’t sound that fun. I just came home ‘in the middle of the night’ and finally got to talk to one of my friends on the other side of the world- time differences make things more complicated. I was talking to her and I have somehow reminded of this song: ‘Really something’ from Aaron Sprinkle. It was actually the first Aaron Sprinkle song I ever listened to- it was on a cd with a mix of music that my brother had. Sometimes you have that- love at first song- I loved the song so much that I ordered the cd that it was from at a shop (not webshop-it was thát time). ‘Lackluster’ is still one of my absolute favorite albums.
The part of the song that I remembered was ‘being hard is hard so sick of it’. Hmm. The funny thing is that I just was going home with the idea ‘am I a horrible person?’- I thought of the times that I wasn’t really interested in talking to other people. I am never really proud of that- but I then set boundaries which is good. For me, that’s what ‘being hard’ is, hard on others. But perhaps also hard on yourself. I’ve been reasonably kind to myself these days, and that feels quite good :). The reason why i’m writing this now is that I heard a line in the song that i’ve heard before, (i’ve listenend to the song a million times) but didn’t really think of: ‘process, this ugly mess, and figure out how to make it home‘. I’m now finishing up my studies and there is so much that I can beat myself up about- that perhaps I should have done way more- that I’m in a mess of my own making. and yet- I’ve come a long way. Some days I actually forget, that this is really something, really something good.