un-spoken un-written un-read un-moved

And just like that

or rather, through

a series of moments

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dead end

spent talking to others

the voices in my head

or rather the un-rest

in my body seems

go get quiet- speaking

about it somehow seems

to un-speak it

writing about it makes it

somehow un-written

thinking about all that

could have instigated the stress

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changing tracks

be doesn’t help

instantly and yet.

Doing something, taking

a step forward,

moving,

it seems that my body

is no longer haunted

by unarticulated stress

Un-moved

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Making angels

And as we recount

how much we enjoyed

simply making something

we wondered out loud: why?

don’t we do more of what

we love.

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Little etched angel

playing with a master and ink

I got to play with different kinds of pen en ink, the pen being a reed pen that I made for the purpose of making a ‘copy’ of a Ferdinand Bol ink drawing, in the style of Rembrandt. what I loved about working after this drawing is how different ‘copies’  of the face result in completely different characters.

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‘original’

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This one came out Asian?!

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A bit scary..

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Face as part of the copy

The dogma of the never lost things.

I would always be held accountable,

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Diamonds on fine dirt

for something I had lost

‘Nothing can just disappear’

a phrase that made that losing anything

unacceptable

like one and one is two,

two minus one was still two you

just had to search harder,

trace your steps,

draw maps out of your unconscious

memories

nothing could be lost,

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Six I found as nine

only misplaced, and leaving it

there to rest or to be found

by someone else was unacceptable.

you had to act now, no matter the cost.  

 

It was cruel to live in a hemisphere, like that

with a talent for losing anything,

to have the most impeccable disappearance act

where even the master doesn’t know what happened

It is strange, loving finding things, when

you are told that all that seems misplaced is

just waiting to be found back by the rightful owner.

 

And so. although the lessons were not easy

and often made me feel desperate.

I embraced the doctrine as part of my own path.

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Crown of cardboard beauty

Nothing can truly be lost.

everything can be found back.

and since I’m lazy and patient.

I will use the time when things are lost

not to search but to wander, and wonder

and marvel at all the beautiful things that

are left by many, never displacing them.

Simply capturing them by camera,

and giving them a special place in my heart.

 

Celebrate the short days

Since we changed the clock last Sunday here, the days are rapidly getting longer. And although I am positively thrilled about that- and the longer days are just delightful, I’m going to miss taking photos of the city in the dark. And so it’s time to celebrate the short days- although to be fair- some of these pictures were not taken during the day but more around midnight. Ah well, such is life.

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Love story

Saturday the sun shone, and I was thankful to be where I am.

The beauty mostly left me speechless. So I’ll share the pictures I took to show you how much I love this place.

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Black swan

There was a man,

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At night, around the corner with the red light.

and since he was holding

a camera with a big lens

I knew -he was standing

still with a purpose.

Because a lens or an

aimed pair of eyes,

tell you there’s something to see

 

And for me, this was the moment

to check if I did not just

see something wasn’t there

but actually something that

shouldn’t be there.

 

But it was. I saw something impossible

They live on the other side of the

world right?

And as i told the story i almost

wondered if i made it up.

but sleep deprived as i was

going home it was there once again

and then I captured it-

while it warned me-

the lights, the road blocks

and the special spiecies.

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almost looks fake right?

 

 

Stitch the things you want to see in the world.

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Whoever designed this sign is absolutely brilliant

The famous quote ‘Be the change you want to see in the world’ -MichalScofieldd slips it to Sarah Tencredi to establish a kind of connection on his first visit to the doctors office as part of this plan to escape Fox River Prison. I don’t know how bad it is that when I saw the quote used for an event on Facebook, I had to think of Sarah and Micheal and had to google who is responsible for the quote, or who it is attributed to (Mahatma Gandhi).

One way or another, the title of this post is a reference to this famous phrase. Seeing the quote embroidered I thought of an alternative ‘Stitch the things you want to see in the world’. These days, in the time of Facebook and Instagram it is very easy to see many talented (embroidery) artists, and I follow quite a lot of them. Seeing a bit of their process and quite ‘flat’ work of embroidery it would be easy to copy their style or re-imagine their work. The truth is, I did this myself, funnily enough, due to the fact that I am never so committed to copying something exactly, and am stuck with my own ideas and work ethics- and so my stitches still produce work that is quite different from the point of inspiration.

The ‘Jacobean’ sampler was inspired by what embroidery fairy godmother Mary Corbet posted years ago., The gray on white stripes are an attempt to embroider a face based on a photograph- not entirely sure where that came from… The little rabbit is an attempt to make something like  Chloe Giordano.

Ever since I started making things it was not that I had truly original ideas that no one ever had before, rather I would see something and think: I should be able to do this, and do it better, or at least my way. Being the change you want to see in the world is quite a big challenge, it suggests that things should change and you have to be the driving force to make it happen. Quite the pressure. I like the idea of stitching the things I want to see- I may not be able to change the world or peoples mind, but I can add something I have not seen before, my vision. Today I went to the movies to see ‘The greatest showman’ while not truly revolutionary the premise of the film intrigued me. one of the first songs that are sung state:

The brightest colors fill my head
A million dreams are keeping me awake
I think of what the world could be
A vision of the one I see
A million dreams is all it’s gonna take
A million dreams for the world we’re gonna make –“A Million Dreams” The greatest showman. 

The words might as well be an impression of my own thoughts mind and heart. Although not new,  the song reminded me again of how wonderful it is to dream and make dreams come true.  And how wonderful it is to touch things in person that were only figments of imagination. To see that they are so similar or different than they started out with just a thought. A stitch or a work of art might not seem as things that have much influence on the world and the state of things on the scale of Gandhi’s work (although weaving was one of the crafts supported by his work), it holds a metaphor for the rest of life. So yeah, I dare you 31 days into the new year to stitch the things you want to see. Because you’ll learn and further develop a (new) skill – because you’ll find your strengths and limitations. But mostly because you will witness the creation and the possibility of creating anything.

Just do something. Anything?

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The obscurity of a blurry photo in black and white

Write often, write honestly. That’s what I just heard Jon Foreman say in a video on youtube. Just before that, I saw some random person (random to me) with a video that says ‘what will happen when you do 1 push-up a day’ (in dutch). I was looking for some actual fitness video- my goal for this year is to be able to do a push-up, might as well set the bar at a low point. Anyways, even though the video showed some guy doing a push-up- he was mainly explaining how if you set low goals for ‘once a day’ it is easy to do more. one of the examples ‘if you decide to write at least 1 sentence for your blog a day, – you’ll think that is only a very little amount and before you know it you have written 7 blogs. like falling down a rabbit hole.

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What I’ve been stitching the last few days

Speaking of rabbit holes, I do fall in them sometimes- videos on youtube- interviews with people about movies I just saw. knitting for the sake of doing something while watching movies again and again. This week is the last of my free weeks, and yet, I feel little urge to do ‘everything I could’ mostly because I am not sure what that is or how I can get myself to do it. That brings me back to the first two ideas- simply starting somewhere and then making it a practice. And practice perhaps yields results. Even if they are not your absolute best or most satisfying.

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Not even a fraction of how beautiful the view really is. Even when writing honestly, photo’s can lie.

That being said, it feels good to simply sit down and write al little entry while I look out of the window and see the black shapes of the barren trees in front of the golden, orange, taupe and blue skies. The sun has gone down and I have yet to go outside today. But in these short days and long nights, I might as well not morn the day when it is lacking sunshine. I might as well check if tonight the ice skate rink that I have 5 more admissions for at the other side of town is open, to go there tonight from 2100. It might be just one time. But I’ll be doing something.

– Turns out it is open from 20.30-23.00. Yet another reason to just do it :).

One hundred published drafts

Matching curtains

Collage of curtains

Since I woke up from the rain and the wind, and haven’t been able to get back to sleep for 3 hours I thought I might as well turn my computer on. It is strange how you can feel at least half wide awake at night, yet knowing that you’ll feel really tired and will sleep before the day can start. lying awake at night I always make big plans for the new day or dream about everything that could be in my life. And of course, i slowly dissect what I just dreamt and what actually happened before I went to sleep- like my first episode of shameless. Not sure what to think of it yet. 🙂 Speaking of sleeping, one of my good friends just had a baby, and that is a constant routine of sleeping, feeding and repeating. I remember my grandmother saying that newborns sometimes sleep 20 hours a day, crazy things. I wonder if when they are awake it feels to them as being awake in the middle of the night feels to me.

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VOEL-FEEL (& more curtains)

While I ponder the life questions of the night: shall I get out for a glass of water or ice cream (the answer is yes: ice-cream tastes magical in the middle of the night), I roam the back side of WordPress. Apparently, over the course of a few years, I published 99 posts on the blog, making this the 100th. Looking through all I’ve written I can hardly believe they are really so many, but apparently, I underestimate myself ;). In a way, all the post, like the photos or combination of the photos in this post are not perfect, hardly well curated. Yet they for me represent life and how there can be many un-matching beauties side by side.

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The posts I wrote contain traces of the life that happened in between. Although I am hardly ever spesific on the blog about things happening in my life, what I write always brings me back a little bit to the time I wrote it. The end of the year and the beginning of a new one always is a time to reflect. I must say it always seems hard to truly remember specifics or rather feelings felt throughout the year, but the blog helps. I am thankful that I have been able to put some of my writing out there in the universe of creative minds and random thoughts. To top it all off, I performed some of my poems for the first time on New Year’s Eve. In the comfort of my own home but with a mic, a sound system and an audience of partly strangers. Who would have known? They even laughed at my musings when appropriate. What I shared that night hasn’t made it to the blog yet, and that leaves promises for the next 100 posts. There will most definitely be more to come to Lieverleesje.